Successful relationships require work its not just about loving each other. This write up will discuss some key factors your relationship requires to be successful and long term. There are many things a relationship requires to be successful but for our purpose today we will focus on two, Trust and Communication. We may touch on other areas during this but our focus will be on these two. Without both these in your relationship it cannot be successful even if long term. Many couples have unsuccessful relationships and stay together. Our goal here is help you “Build Bridges Not Wall” and thus have a successful relationship. A successful relationship is one where both partners are happy and getting their needs met by partner. Trust and Communication are key to this.
You MUST talk to one another! If you two are not communicating then your not being a good partner. Now one or both of you may not be as willing to open up as other. This can pose problems. If you two cannot discuss things then you are likely doomed to an unsuccessful relationship. This can be an obstacle but it can be overcome. Start small. Whichever of you talks the easiest should start. He/She can open up and encourage the other to do the same. Don’t force the non talking partner to be too open just yet if they resist. Let them start small. You can lead by example. You be open ask questions if you like. A simple question with simple reply may be easier than opening up right now. This is a start! You need to be open but don’t flood the gates either. You don’t want to overwhelm your partner or scare him/her. You wont resolve every issue with one talk. remember this is new to both of you. Start small work your way up. Let both of you get use to this new “communication” between you two. If your not talking then your going to have issues. Lack of communication can lead to Divorce, angry outburst, Cheating and much more. It doesn’t have to be that way. It just takes communication between you two that’s all. Look at your past relationships and those you know who broke up. You will find that the couple were not talking and probably haven’t had any real discussions (fights don’t count) in a very long time. How many times have you heard “We don’t talk anymore” this is a HUGE warning sign! If you stop talking start again, if your not talking then start if you value your relationship.
What do you talk about? Again if your new to this or reluctant start small. Find a small issue to discuss and how you feel about it. Example, One partner doesn’t call or text you at lunch or break. Small issue yes but partner expecting or hoping for this misses it. The conversation can go something like this. “I know your busy and time is short but I really miss those text you use to send. They made my day and made me feel loved.” Now you have communicated to your partner and your partner can respond. It could be that he/she thought they annoyed them or that time didn’t permit the text. Regardless your partner now knows how you feel about this. Its minor issue and can be fixed easily once both parties know situation with each on issue. As stated this was minor issue (you have your own) and good place to start if you are not use to communication. Build on your communication before taking on more serious issues. Key point here is NEVER keep secrets from your partner it breaks down communication and destroys Trust (see below)
This issue is even more important than communication. If one or both of you do not trust each other its over. You MUST trust your partner. If your communicating this help if trust issues arise. Now trust can vary depending on status what you open up can vary. For the sake of this article we are talking about married or living together partners who have dedicated themselves to each other. Ok so you plan a lifetime with your partner to share. How can this be if you don’t trust each other? Now you may think you trust each but do you really? If your keeping secrets then answer is no! If you have committed yourself to this person to share your life then you need to “share”. If you cant share your life and all its issues with your life partner then you don’t trust your partner. In turn how can they trust you? Its not about privacy your in a committed relationship! There is no “mine” there is only “ours”. If your still keeping whats “yours” to yourself your building a wall! Your also giving cause for your partner to not trust you. In return your teaching yourself to not trust as well. After all you committed yourself to this person why should you be hiding things from him/her. So how do I tear down walls and build bridges? We will address that and give example of distrust in next paragraph.
First example. This story is true as I read it directly from the person complaining. Let me tell story and then tell replies and persons response. One partner (sex doesn’t matter) was complaining on an internet group about his/her partner. The post was about a complaint that every time he/she got a post he/she asked “who was that”? Now the reply to this question was “none of your business.” Now the poster felt this an invasion of sorts and was complaining about this seeking advice. My question was “why not just tell him/her?” This got a very angry reply. Now who was wrong? The answer is both likely. Since the other partner never posted as well its not possible to know for sure. However my point was this if your not hiding anything why not just tell him/her? I further said if my wife asks (and often does) who I just got a text from I tell her! This relationship just discussed seems troubled and clearly tells me there are trust issues. If there is no trust then relationship may be doomed. Trust comes in many forms. However here are little tips that help build trust. we use these very things in our home and are heading towards our 20th year together.
. Password sharing. We each know all the others passwords. Now we rarely (if ever) use them but we do know them.
. Emails go to same inbox. Until recently we shared a computer during that time to avoid log ons and off we had all our email accounts (nearly a dozen) go to same inbox. Does this mean we read each others emails? No it doesn’t. However if one of us saw a subject line that we felt important we alerted the other that an email just came that could be important. The response usually was “open it and read it since your on computer”. Why you ask? Because we trust each other and have nothing to hide.
. Joint bank account. Your in a committed relationship which means shared bills. Its easier to pay bills in this manner and no one can hide or be accused of hiding money. Number one cause of Divorce.
.Text and calls. You might think it annoying but if your partner asks who called? Answer them. If your not hiding anything there is no issue.
. Communicate. Like at the beginning of this article you need to communicate. Communication builds trust. Make sure you are talking to your partner about your concerns, desires etc. In turn ask them to do the same. No relationship is problem free it show you deal with them that shows how successful relationship is.
Communication and trust are keys to successful relationship. Use the tools and suggestions in this article to help build bridges not walls. As always you can discuss this and other articles on our forum page at http://www.parentnook.com/forum/