In this article we want to talk about some of the “petty” fights parents get into when co parenting as separated or Divorced parents. When parents separate and Divorce there is often lots of anger and resentment over the failed relationship. This often shows itself when trying to co parent their children. Children becomes tools in the war between the adults. Any small item can be blown into a full scale war. In parenting forums (like parentnook forums) and other sites we often see questions or concerns that might otherwise be ignored and probably should be. In this article we will discuss common petty fights seen and discussed on various forums.
The pick up/drop off:
This a common argument made on both sides. She always late dropping off kids or hes always late picking them up or any combination. This fight is a constant with no real winner. Many times a parent will take the issue to court. Dont fall into this trap! The Judge HATES telling parent how to parent and work things out. If Judge is angry enough he might place an order that neither party will care for or even order parenting classes. Ok so your former spouse is late a lot. Was he/she always late when you were together? Did you have to rush him/her to get places on time? If so them this should be no surprise. Just how late are they? Is it constant? The court is NOT going to want to settle this for you so its time to act like an adult and resolve the problem together. This benefit child/ren as well as they see Mom and Dad working out differences without loud voices, threats etc. Stay away from this fight and you and your child/ren will benefit.
Another common fight is the “parenting time”. Lets say Dad gets kids every other weekend and certain holidays per court order. The court gave you this order but also knows “poo poo happens.” If Dad has to work on his weekend or there is a special event on a Holiday not granted per order you two need to work it out. Nothing runs perfect so sometimes the parenting time needs to be altered if only for this one visit. I know you hate your EX (or think you do) and your not going to give an inch. Wrong reply! You and other parent need to compromise the situation if at all possible. You each give something in return all works out fine. Again resist the temptation to hold fast to order (which is really on a suggestion) to screw your EX. If EX is willing see if he/she can change a day for another. Once more act like adults and your kids benefit.
Opposite sex children and single room:
Sometimes after a separation one or both parents dont have the income they use to have. This means they cannot afford large home or apartment. This can mean either parent can only afford 2 bedroom place. Your children could be opposite sex and asked to share a room. Of course one parent might see this as an issue or a tool to wrest custody away or just hurt other parent. You can try to take this to court but dont expect much. Young children and even preteen often share rooms. There is nothing wrong with this! Long as the children have privacy when dressing its fine. Your anger is more about how to hurt your EX than any real concern. If you let the children sleep at Grandma’s and they shared a room its unlikely you would say a word.
Bottom line is avoid these petty fight and work together to raise your children. The more you co parent the better your child will turn out. If your child sees you constantly at was with other parent he/she will learn this as normal and any hope of a decent relationship later in life with their own partner diminishes.